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A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?'' '
'This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
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A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink.
While he was sitting at the bar watching T.V., one of Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone,
"Hillary is a horse's ass!"
The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an
oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across
the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.
After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself
up and said to the bartender,
"I'm sorry. I didn't know this was Hillary country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country."
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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler
said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and
the old man stated, "by check. I know you need to make sure my check is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify
the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in
that account."
"I know," said the old man, " But let me tell you about my weekend!
Don't mess with Old People.
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?'' '
'This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink.
While he was sitting at the bar watching T.V., one of Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone,
"Hillary is a horse's ass!"
The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an
oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across
the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.
After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself
up and said to the bartender,
"I'm sorry. I didn't know this was Hillary country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler
said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and
the old man stated, "by check. I know you need to make sure my check is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify
the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in
that account."
"I know," said the old man, " But let me tell you about my weekend!
Don't mess with Old People.